My Crazy Assistant

I love love love my teaching assistant.

She is gentle & kind.

She will also go to sleep if you don't watch her.

I don't' mean decorous nodding off.

I mean laying down.

On the rug.

In the midst of the children.

Snoring.

I gave her a stack of papers the other day. It was material I had printed from the Internet. For some reason, several pages didn't go through. They were blank with just the web address at the bottom of the page.

I must've had a look that bothered her on my face, because she said, "you told me to make 10 copies of everything in that stack, so that is just what I did".

"why, Crazy Assistant, why would you copy a blank page?" I asked.

"well, I thought you wanted extra blank sheets for them to draw on!', she said.

Oh, I love this life.....how could it get any better?

WE ARE SLICK ON THE SUNNYSIDE

I called my sister in law and  dear friend Eileen last Friday.

"Hey, You wanna go to the beach tomorrow?"

"Well, I can't .Tomorrow's my birthday and I am going to Mama's for the usual dinner."

Inaudilbel gasp on my part. Quick thinking was called for here.

I had no idea it was her birthday, despite the fact I have been celebrating it with her for 27 years.

"Yeah, that's why I called. I wanted to take you to the beach for a surprise party.We can go Sunday instead."

"oh, you are so sweet. The best birthday I ever had was when you took me to the beach for my 40th birthday!"

(It must've been a blast, 'cause I dont' remember it!)

But I got extra good sisiter in law points for it!

Things are good here.

Tom's shoulder is so much better than we ever thought it would be. He can raise his arm over his head! We were told he would never be able to do that ever again. Now I am almost embarrassed by all the good wishes and help we received, becasue it is so much better than we feared. He is back at work, not able to lift, but making windows like a big dog.

Cailtin is busily engaed in getting out of doing homework. She had a fit of teenage angst the other night and tearfully exclaimed, "the only thing that's good in my life is my hair straightener!"

I promise,she was raised with the right priorities in life... I tried....

Other news from the porch...

I am going to the New Orleeans Jazz and Heritage Festival to see Bruce Springsteen!

When I squealed about this for the 200th time this weekend, Tom wearily asked me if I was going to be insufferable from now until April 30 (concert date) and I said , "probably so".

I really love him.

When Mariah was about 4 and being sassy over some power struggle we were having, I asked her in exasperation, "who's the boss here?"

Delighted that Mama wasn't fussig any more, and we were playing a game, she replied, "Bruce Springsteen!"

Caitlin, as a little one, used to confuse Santa with Jerry Garcia.

yep, I raised 'em right!

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

We are going to a little local Irish pub to hear my nephew play in a band. We are so proud. He is actually making a living as a musician!

Love to all and hear's hoping your beer won't make you green!

 

 

deception and detection part two, trying again

Okay, I am going to try once again to write my entry about the merry misadventures of Caitlin and Desiree.

They are out for an evenings recreation,when I receive a phone call from Cailtin , all chipper,asking if she can spend the night with Desiree.

I told her no ,she had to watch Victoria (job 3) because I had to go to job 1. Victoria's mom is out of town & today was a teacher work day.

"Oh, no problem,"she airily assured me, "Desiree's mom will bring me home in the morning."

I begin to smell the proverbial rat stronger at this point.

Desiree's mom works nights and I can't see her as being way enthusiastic over an early morning trek across town.

So I called her at work.

She said Desiree had told her she was spending the night with Caitlin.

That one is as old as granma's toes!

If you are going to lie to me, at least have the respect to make it a good one!

I called Cailtin and told her, that she , Desiree & Boyfriend Billy had 5 minutes to get home.

They pulled up and I was on the porch, remembering the days when I would've danced on my mama's grave & shot my dog for a night out with my friends.

"Got your stories straight?" I asked.

Caitlin was defiant, "why were you checking up on me like a cop?"

"Cause I knew you were lying, darlin"

Desiree looked just like she looked when she was 7 and ate all the Girl Scout snack.(she said she dropped it , if I remember correctly)

Boyfriend Billy was in abject terror.

I was in the midst of one of my more profound philosophical speeches,when Tom , who was oblivious to the entire situation, threw a garden hose up on the porch. He then ran into the house.

"What's happening?"quavered Desiree.

I was not to be deterred from my point."something's wrong with the air conditioner'< I replied, then resumed my speech about shame and secrecy.

"Is it on fire?" Desiree timidly asked

This was a reasonable assumption, as Tom was running from room to room with a hose..

"that's not important right now"I grumbled.

At that point, Tom appeared triumphant and gave a long pointless speech about how an air conditioner works.

Boyfriend Billy was transfixed.

I will check up on the gadabout girls every time they leave the house now.

Boyfriend Billy's mom and I have talked on the phone quiet a few times.

The air conditioner works.

And the porch has another story to tell.

 

bellsouth

I have nearly broken my neck crawling behind furniture, hooking up cables, moving speakers because some crazed Egyptian guy thinks that if he makes me do enough weird gyrations I will never want to get online again!

After I got kicked off the Internet and lost my entry, I called Bellsouth. I was told to stand on one foot, stick my finger in my ear and pray to Buddah. SO far it has worked.

Seriously, I did have to swap th eends of my DSL connection, remove a filter, plug and unplug all the phones, move the speakers 2 feet away from the modem, move the modem 2 feet from the power surge protecter and other sordid Kama Sutra positions too humiliating to mention.

Then he said my cable was too far from the connector and I should downgrade my service.

Then he said he had fixed it and I should have no further problems.

When you were a kid, did you ever do the prank call where you tell people their phone cord is too short? Then you tell them to pull on it?

I think that is what just happened to me.

@#$#$%^%^&&*

I just spent an hour typing up an entry that disappeared!

deception and detection

Look at these little sweeties....

Butter wouldnt melt in their mouths, would it?

Ha!

To be continued....

Test your Survival Skills

http://www.spicolisbarleybin.com/games/survival.swf

 

This looks interesting.

Take it and post your score in the comments or add it to your blog.

I made 13 out of 17.

I am great at wilderness skills and natural disasters, pretty good with a hostage situation, but if I get in a plane crash, it's all she wrote, folks, apparantly.

Keep on the sunnyside and you'll live ,not just survive,

Marti

Yeah, I know , sometimes I even make myself gag a little!

gettin'all the goody out of it

well, the madness is over for another year.

I've cleaned up the half-eaten moonpies,

thrown out the beads I scrambled all over the concrete to get,

recycled the beer cans,

caught up on my sleep,

waved goodbye to my friends, some of them for the last time till next year.

Someone asked me was I sad it was over.

"Hell, no", I answered, 'I got all the goody out of it".

(this phrase was unwittingly coined by my eldest when asked why she only chewed a piece of gum for 5 minutes)

I have since made it my philosophy of life.

When I go to a movie, I see all the credits,

When I go to a bar , I stay till last call,

When there are friends to talk to, I stay up all night,

when there are Hershey's kisses, I eat the whole bag.

when I come to the end of this life I hope I can say ,

"I used this all up, let's see what comes next"

No regrets,

"I got all the goody out of it"

More poetically, in the words of the musical that is Caitlin's latest obsession which blasts through our house at all hours of the day and night,

"no day but today".