3The Mammogram

For years and years they told me

Be careful of your breasts

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
 <

And give them monthly tests
 
So I heeded all their warnings,<
And protected them by law.<

Guarded them very carefully,<

 

And I always wore my bra.
 
After 30 years of astute care 
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,<
Said I should get a Mammogram
 "OK," I said, "let's do it
"Stand up here real close" she said

 

(She got my boob in line

"And tell me when it hurts," she said,<

 

"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine

She stepped upon a pedal,

I could not believe my eyes!<

A plastic plate came slamming down, <
My hooters in a vise

My skin was stretched and mangled
 From underneath my chin.

My poor boob was being squashed

To Swedish Pancake thin

 

Excruciating pain I felt,<
>

Within it's viselike grip

A prisoner in this vicious thing

>

My poor defenseless tit!<

 >

"Take a deep breath, she said to me

 

Who does she think she's kidding?!?<

My chest is mashed in her machine

And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say

 

(The room was slowly swaying

 

"Now, let's have a go at the other one."<

Have mercy, I was praying

 

It squeezed me from both up and down,<

 

It squeezed me from both sides

 

I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,<

To HER tender little hide.<

Next time that they make me do this

 

I will request a blindfold.

I have no wish to see again

 
My knockers getting steam rolled>

 

If I had no problem when I came in,<

 

I surely have one now

 

If there had been a cyst in there,<
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
 <

This machine was created by a man,<

Of this, I have no doubt
 
I'd like to stick his balls in there,

And, see how THEY come out!