Saturday, March 31, 2007

My Dad

My dad wasn't my dad yet in this pic.

He was in his early 20's fighting a war.

Sometimes I think he was always fighting it.

He loved me.

I loved him.

We just never quite clicked.

The teen years were hard on us both.

Lots of words said that can never be called back.

Hearts bruise so easily.

I wish I could tell him it was all okay

It doesn't hurt any more

but he cant hear me now

and it would be a lie.

I hate to hear people whine about their childhoods.

It's over

It's done

And it wasn't bad

just not good enough.

so I learned

laugh loud

love hard

 

never hold back

take the extra step

reach out your hand

hold the ones you love close

stay as late as you can for as long as you can

'cause the night is never long enough

we all have to go home.

and we'll be a long time gone.

 

It's a lovely night on the porch....

planting things makes me think of my dad

he spoke roughly to his only daughter

 but his hands were gentle with his plants

all day I coaxed plants from pots into the ground

with the hands he gave me

we grew something together.

Thanks, Dad.

15 comments:

bgilmore725 said...

wars change people... makes them someone they weren't. Someday maybe it won't hurt as bad. I forgave my father for all the harsh words that held me back, for the hitting. I figure his father must have done much worse to him when he was a boy. I have no pictures of my father when he was a boy... would love to see one of him, but they were too poor to afford pictures. He was probably a cute little boy, sweet... just wanting his own father's love. My father told me once that his father said to him "I never loved you!" he said this to his #1 son, my dad when he was a boy. That's when I forgave my father for the hurtful things he said to me. I know he never meant them. FOrtunately, I forgave him before he died... but if I hadn't, I'd probably forgive him anyway. Parents make mistakes. I don't know about yours, but I'm sure it was hurtful. But you are a good parent despite it. Hold on to the goodness that you can. And pass it on. bea

bgilmore725 said...

wars change people... makes them someone they weren't. Someday maybe it won't hurt as bad. I forgave my father for all the harsh words that held me back, for the hitting. I figure his father must have done much worse to him when he was a boy. I have no pictures of my father when he was a boy... would love to see one of him, but they were too poor to afford pictures. He was probably a cute little boy, sweet... just wanting his own father's love. My father told me once that his father said to him "I never loved you!" he said this to his #1 son, my dad when he was a boy. That's when I forgave my father for the hurtful things he said to me. I know he never meant them. FOrtunately, I forgave him before he died... but if I hadn't, I'd probably forgive him anyway. Parents make mistakes. I don't know about yours, but I'm sure it was hurtful. But you are a good parent despite it. Hold on to the goodness that you can. And pass it on. bea

karebear4x4 said...

my dad was a real s.o.b. in my youth   i forgave him mostly, but i won't forget what he did   my scars won't let me   there were lessons learned thru it all and some of my character i gained from it   no matter what did or didn't happen, no matter how it feels, it's all ok   there are still times it's tougher than others, but one day i will be at peace with it all   i know the gift of you came out of it all   thank you Marti for being you!   hugz~kbear

princesssaurora said...

This was beautiful, Marti.  And, it isn't too late to tell him that it is okay... you just did.

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/

kamdghwmw said...

I could not see the picture, but he sounds a lot like my dad.
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom

bhbner2him said...

What a handsome young man!!  I'm sure he loved you the best he knew how.  Thankfully it seems the daughter has learned better.  Bet he would be glad.  -  Barbara

demandnlilchit said...

We all carry something from our childhood........good things too though! Like belly laughs!

K.

jmorancoyle said...

    I like this. It speaks to feelings most of us share.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

lurkynat said...

Wow Marti
Bravo!
Well written, very touching, and it tlkas about how complex our realtionships are!
good job kiddo
love,nat

klconard1 said...

I came by way of carnivAOL.  This is a truly touching entry about your dad.  I am sure he loved you, even if he couldn't show it the way you wish.  I am glad you enjoy your plants and porch.  I am a front porch gardener so I know how wonderful that can be.
loving you
karyl

grofsand said...

The heart wears a special set of binoculars......thank you for allowing us to peek through them!
Peace...Marc :)

lindaggeorge said...

Thanks for visiting my Journal, I'm just enjoying catching up on some of yours.

Linda.

http://journals.aol.co.uk/lindaggeorge/GeorgeMansions/

deshelestraci said...

Great entry!  Really makes you think.  I have been letting go of my less than perfect childhood.  I had a great upbringing by most accounts!
Traci

magran42 said...

After reading this, I think your journas should be called Porch Poetry or Porch Wisdom.  Either would fit.  

mymaracas said...

What a touching, beautiful entry. I found my way in from Diatom Project. If you don't mind, I'll be back to read now and then.

:-)
Vicki