Saturday, January 29, 2005

I forgot who I stole this from,if it was you...thanks!

I am not: ever in a bad mood

I hurt: when my kids don't want to play with me

I love: rainy days, the beach,the woods

I hate:hatefulness?

I fear:something happening to my family 

I hope:that my kids will be independent strong women

I see: the sky,all gray & wintery



I regret: NOT A DAMN ThING!

I cry: easily over sentimental things

I care: about dogs,cats, kids

I always: have a good time


I long to:travel

I listen to Grateful Dead, John Prine, Joni Mitchell,Green Day, Good Charlotte, Classical music I sing: loudly & off key

I dance:wildly & enthusiasticly

I write: on my computer



I play: my way through life

I miss: my old dog who's been dead 20 years

I feel: proud to be here!

I know:how to paddle a canoe 

I say: life's too shor to miss a party"I search:for my cell phone & car keys

I learn: every day how to forget things that make me sad & remember things that mke me glad

I succeed:when I love

I dream: of the mountains


I sleep: as little as I can




I worry: that Caitlin will break something & Mariah will kill someone, just kidding

I have:the most caring kind husband ever 


I give: it all I got

I fight:negative thoughts

I wait: on no one & for no one


I need: lots of love




I think: of wasys to turn bad times into good ones


I can’t: turn a cartwheel


I stay:happy


Caitlin...I need to tell you about her , but she nearly defies my descriptive powers. When she was little, she would climb on top of door jambs and jump on unsuspecting people's heads as they passed underneath....when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up ,she would say "I wanna fly" At 9, she watched gymnasts on tv & said ,"that's it! I wanna fly like that" And fly she did, passing up kids who started in the sport  when they were two.She won competitions all over the state, often offering her medals to girls who didn't win one.

Just after winning the third place medal for State Competition, she shattered her leg in 4 places doing a double flip at the gym.She was in a cast up to her hip for 6 weeks, on bed rest for two, out of gym for almost a year. During this time she wrote a book on Broken Bones & How to Deal, offering suggestions like "Name your cast. You are going to be together for a while,so you might as well get to know each other."

Her gymnastic dreams are not a reality now, she still can't train that hard. She waves her team mates off & wishes them good luck. She loves going to the gym and never mentions the time when she was the golden girl.

Now,she takes ballet and has the look of another world on her face when she dances.

On a foggy night in the park, there is a talent exhibition. Caitlin is done with her on-stage dance and I am looking for her.I see a small crowd gathered.All unaware , she is dancing to some inner music. I can only faintly see her in the mist.She looks like a fairy....Flying...

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

adolescent angst (mine, not hers)

After survivng one teenager,I had another child, and I KNEW what would happen! they say you forget the pain of labor. I never did , but somehow I forgot the pain of adolescence! (hers, not mine, although mine was no picnic either) My dear sweet, spacey , kind-hearted little girl has mentally gone into another room and shut the door. I am on the other side , knocking,"Remember me? I 'm the cool mom." I used to be fun, now I'm embarrassing, I used to be smart, now I am reeking of senility.

I have this theory. Maybe God uses brain tissue to make breasts. No, I'm not being sexist, hear me out. It only lasts for a little while, but in every young girls life that I have known, her insanity increases in direct proportion to her mammary growth. Then, after she has them for a year of so, the brain tissue moves up into her skull where it belongs & she is sane again! I am sure something analogous happens with boys, but I dont' have enough experience with them to know! Pulling my tongue out of my cheek, I have one daughter who was certifiablle for years & is now my dear friend.The other day she looked at me & said,"Mom, you are so much more fun now!" So I guess maybe one day I will not make Caitlin sigh patiently.

This is gonna be an interesting time of my life! Menopause & adolescence! there are just pink hormonal clouds all over this house...I think my husband's lactating!

where i am today

I have recently changed jobs, moving from a school where I had been for ten years happily being in charge of a self-contained class of mentally handicapped/emothionally disturbed children.We had a drop in enrollment & as last hired, I had to go. I went  from a tiny country school to a large downtown one, from severely handicapped children to mild Learning Disabled street smart 5th graders, from my own classroom to teaching with the general education teachers.Needless to say, it has been an adjustment. I have always bent with the wind, accepting change as the price we pay for riding the earth for a number of years, but this has been hard. I am learning more about myself & getting stronger spiritually, discovering new ways to adjsut to the inevitable.I tis getting better. Af first, I felt my co-workers were unfriendly. I am making friends, now, because I am feeling more confident. Positive thoughts attract positive actions , as well as negative ones bringing mirror images of themselves.

I went to a workshop today & the teachers sat around , taking a rare opportunity to discuss their lives.Now , we have been having a few little troubles lately, even though my husband is the sweetest man in the world. After hearing things that went on in these poised , professional women's lives, I am so glad to come home to the family I have! Sometimes the grass that looks greener is full of briars!


Saturday, January 22, 2005

a tender memory

thinking about Caitlin's sudden moodiness make me remember when her much more volital sister was 15...It is always my "thing" that whenever you leave a family member,you say"I love you". Well, it had not been one of our better mornings.I was dropping Mariah off at school. We were "discussing" -ahem- rather loudly and fervently. I told her I loved her and she slammed out of the car door.. I sat in the carpool line and screamed "I love you" until she screamed back "I love you , too, dammit!"

Ahh, those were the days...

weekend assignment-party gone wrong

I make no excuses for living my life from party to party. I do enough serious making-the -world better stuff at work! so, I have to choose one party to write about, 'cause most of them are so right it's just wrong! Of course most of my parties now are with my Girl Scout troop or my family and consist of cake and giggles rather than shooters and guffaws!

Okay, here's one

It is 1976. I am living in a studio apartment that rents to college students. Everyone knows everyone, it is an innocent time. We all drift in and out of each other's lives and homes.

I have been dating my now-husband for awhile,It is test time tomorrow and I left the ususal party and went to bed.

I am sleeping deeply when a knock on the door wakes me up. It is the girl next door"Hey, Marti, c'mere!"

I follow her to her apartment. "dont' you know this guy?"

"yeah, It's Tom", I reply.

Tom had made a wrong turn.He was in her bed. So , until recently, was she!

I just think it is so funny to look back on now that neither of us was particularly concerned about the situation! I think I asked her if she wanted me to get him!

Now that I am the mom of two girls, that kinda curls my hair a little!


stalwart parenting

Caitlin has definitely become a teenager. I sometimes feel as though I have a cute little puppy who snarls at me!

Tom and I just are not very firm. I didn't want her to go to the parade because she had gone home sick from school. Well, it took us two trips around the block to cave in and go back and get her.We had difficulty making a parental decision because Mariah wasn't here to break the tie vote!

Anyway, I feel it wise to take the route that has the best scenery & the easiest ride in life!

Mardi Gras Mysteries

Ahh, it's a beautiful night, the wind blows with the peculiar softness of the coastal south sending the scent of beer and cotton candy that means a street party. Old friends gather to stand by the road in the same spot they've stood for years exchanging hugs & stories.

here comes the parade!

floats, bands, laughter...

here comes the convertible bearing the banner of the Queen, the driver cruising sedately by...but where's the Queen? The car is festooned with a big sign saying "Queen Britney" but the back seat is empty!

I wonder...where is Britney?

Did no one notice they lost the Queen?

We watched the parade 3 one else seemed to wonder.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

inserting foot firmly in mouth

As a special education teacher, I have a need to be tactful & speak soothingly to people. This is ususally no problem, since I am sympathetic by nature. However, my mouth does seem to work faster than my brain from time to time.Also , when you talk as much as me, you're bound to screw up now & again, the law of averages just catches up on you.

I am recovering from a badly sprained ankle ( I hurt it playing soccer, remind me to tell you about that sometime). I was waiting for a parent to come to a meeting when I bumped my ankle. In terrible pain, I lookied over the counter & saw a man standing there. Trying to make a joke, I said"just a minute & we'll hobble on over there." I gather my composure & limp around the counter, only to see THE MAN HAS ONE LEG!!!!!!!!!!

A special ed teacher,sensitive to those with different abilities, supposedly making fun of the handicapped? Oh, my God! He probably thinks I call his kid"dummy"!

Hoping for better days,


Monday, January 17, 2005

Mardi Gras

This Journal has been read times since its creation on July 19, 2004

Monday, January 17, 2005 11:12:19 PM EST
Feeling Happy
Hearing the Dead playing in the band
mardi gras on the island

How to describe Mardi Gras on Dauphin Island? those of you who have heard of the New Orleans Celebration would be real dissapointed. No one shows their titties at all..This is a parade mostly make up of decorated pick up trucks & lots of paper machie.It takes place on a tiny barrier island.Everybody knows everybody & knew their drunk Uncle Joe, too. families set up grills by the only road in & out & spend the day barbecuing & socializing. grown , intelligent people earnestly compare the relative merits of plastic trinkets and buy potato guns, which are great for surprizing the cats!

It's a wonderful way to get rid of the winter blues ,see old friends & make new ones.

Barbecue & beer mellow everyone out, the kids are darting in & out of the slow moving traffic , the air smells of salt & cotton candy. Everything in life is put on hold for a while, it's time to party!

Monday, January 10, 2005

the Menopause Song


The Menopause Song

 by Marti

I am suddenly sweating

While everyone’s’ cold                                              

And my buddies are betting                         

It’s just ‘cause I’m old


My friend who came

Every 28 days

It’s just not the same

Since she stays away


But I have a new partner

Who’s here when she’s not

And since I’ve met her

Good gracious, I’m hot


Mood swings, insomnia, lack of desire,

All these things I get

I think I’m on fire

I’ll finish this yet,

Turn that A.C. up higher!


My life’s going great

I’m getting all hairy

Meet my new playmate

It’s the Hormone Fairy!


But my life couldn’t be better

I don’t want it different

Let me get out of this sweater

At least I’m not pregnant!


Sunday, January 9, 2005

adding an old entry from my private journal

Wednesday, December 1, 2004
6:17:00 PM EST
Feeling Happy
Hearing old Beatles
  caitlin's open house
it is Christmas Open House at Dunbar Magnet School for the Creative & Performing Arts.The air is visibly vibrating from the excited calls of the children. Leotards, costumes, musical instruments & works of art of being flung about everywhere.At the door to the girls dressing room sits a young girl with her portfolio. A mom's eyes can see her beauty, but she is rather overweight and has skin that will be much better after she survives adolescenceAs I watch her some more, I can tell she is one of the special needs students. She looks up expectantly as each of the ballerinas come out. Now , you remember the tight & soemtimes cruel structure of middle school. The ballet company is like the football team would be in a regular school, they are the "cool people". I wondered why this girl would subject herself to the consending looks of some of those bun-headed bitchy-looking girls.I almost wanted to say something to the girls that pushed past her so rudely, but as an adult , I know my place.sometimes talking makes matters worse. Then Caitlin came out the door & rushed up to give the girl a hug. "Oh, I'm so glad you waited for me."she said, putting her arm around the girl, who was now beaming."Come over here & lets sit down & look at your pictures". While her classmates were getting their pictures made & after dance congratulations, Caitlin sat with the girl who had come all alone & looked at her art. one of the girls said "Caitlin , Come her" but Caitlin said "no, you come here & see this!" soon , a group of tutus surrounded the girl, exclaiming over her work.Me, I dissolved into a puddle of maternal pride& had to be mopped up later by the janitorial staff!

great husband story

Saturday, December 18, 2004
9:45:00 AM EST
Feeling Happy
Hearing my emily kitty purr
great husband story
it is down to the wire.Caitlin's report has got to be turned in tomorrow and has she started on it? NOOO!My voice is getting a little loud, she is tearful.Tom is sound asleep in the couch & without a word, he gets up, gets out the craft materials & cuts the cardboard to the right size. Caitlin is all smiles & settles down to work, ugly scene successfully averted. Hey, flowers & candy are okay, but give me a man who steps in with a smile when he is needed .

Written by


christmas eve

It's Christmas eve & I have wrapped all my worries & insecurities in a pretty package with a big bow of attitude adjustment tied around it & left it outside by the trash!

Last night Caitlin was in rare form, dancing & joking, wrestling with me before the fire, butting me in the stomach with her head , saying"I'm tryin' to get back in!" She left the room & came back in a long black Halloween costume with a hood, intoning that she was "the Ghost of Christmas Past" and regaling us with funny stories she remembers about Christmas, like the time the tree wouldn't stand up straight & Tom drilled a hole in the wasll & tied dental floss to it, or the time I was trying to put together a see-saw and screwed it into the kitchen floor, or the time a trampoline was supposed to be delivered at midnight & when they showed up at 3 AM , I asked them if they had trouble finding the house & the terrified delivery men said"no mam, It was the only one that had a woman standing out in the middle of the road cursing & screaming in front of it" None of these happenings were in her concious memory, just stories she has heard us share, back pages of family folklore.

If you are the parent of a little girl , you know they don't grow up gradually. One day they turn around and look at you & by the time they turn back around, you know that the little girl will only be caught in sidelong glimpses from now on.

It happened last night. Caitlin has always been a fairy dancer, unselfconciously throwing herself to the winds. Last Christmas we went to a program & she collected a crowd around her who thought she was part of the entertainment as she twirled, unaware.Last night as she danced it was different, She looked in the mirror & their were gestures of a woman in her innocence. Her older sister & I smiled through tears, cherishing our baby, welcoming our young woman. We spared her daddy, let him believe while he can. God Help Us , everyone

weekend assignment "winter"

9:25:59 PM EST
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing grateful dead china cat sunflower
Edit Entry Delete Entry winter

Weekend Assignment #42: Share your favorite story of Winter cold -- preferably (but not necessarily) involving something freezing inconveniently and humorously.

Extra credit: Name a song that reminds you of winter that's not Christmas-themed.

Okay, come back with me to 1978. I was 22. I had left my southern coastal home for the roadtrip adventure of my life. My future husband Tom & I quit our jobs,I dropped out of college (much to my mother's distress) and stuck a tent in the trunk of my '76 Maverick. Throwing our hearts in front of us & following behind them, we set off in that supremely trusting confident way that came so easy then. In a small Colorado town that was enjoying a charming period between being a gray miner's outpost & a tawdry tourist trap, we,we were amusing a roadside diner with our delight at the year's first snowfall. I didn't realize how loud I was until the whole place erupted in laughter as I stood up , pointed out the window, and announced in my unmistakable Alabama voice,"Oh, my God, It's a snowplow!"

Dinner Conversation

This is an actual conversation that occurred at our house the other dayl I report it to you in its entirity, in the interest of excusing any future insane rantings on my part.

Caitlin- (in a fit of laughter at the dinner table) I'm dying!

Tom- Dieting? You're too skinny to diet!

Mariah- Dying! She 's dying!

Caitlin- Who's dying?

Mariah- You! You just said you were dying!

Caitlin-oh! What's wrong with me?