Thursday, June 26, 2008

Bad Idea

I was tootling around
putting off doing the dishes
when I got the idea to look back
to see what was in my journal this time last year.
I thought I might ask everyone to do it
Post an entry from a year ago.
Never look back
I saw pictures of my dear dog I lost
pictures of my little Victoria (the child I babysat)
who moved away
and I had to curl up in the big chair with Emily kitty and a blanket for awhile
It was a rough year, folks
Lots of bad vibes and negative thoughts at work
I used up so much of my energy trying to stay loving
Some nasty old misunderstandings between Tom and I keep rearing their ugly heads
I never know whether to beat them back down
into the psychic swamp they crawled out of
or to sic them on him and let them fight it out!
I am trying to walk this road peacefully
but there have been some potholes to circle around this year.
I want better times
I have to make them myself, I know.
Gathering courage,

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


My eldest, Mariah
is my staunchest ally
my best friend
but she gave me a special wrinkle in the middle of my forehead during her teen years.
One day I was at work
and received a phone call from a neighbor informing me
there was a great party going on at my house.
As I was storming to the phone to call Mariah,
I was called into the library by the principal.
She asked the whole staff to join hands
then she told us the book keepers seventeen year old had been diagnosed with a brain tumor.
After we all wept together, I left a message n the answering machine
"you're busted, Mariah, pick up"
"Yes, Mom?"
"I just called to tell you how much I love you".
I never caught her skipping school again.
As a postscript, the child with the tumor is a 10 year cancer survivor, married with a four year old.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

and it's another party

My Friend Steve tended bar with me during that magic time 25 years ago at a little Irish pub.
He found my first gray hair.
He taught me how to dance the Hustle.
We shared a lot of stories after last call in the light from the exit sign.
I don't keep up with people I went to high school or college with but all of us from that little bar stay close, even though our evenings consist of tea sipping much more than beer drinking these days.
We celebrated his birthday this weekend

Every birthday is precious because we almost lost him 10 years ago.
He is HIV positive, but doing well.
His partner Vaughn fell right into our family.
Tom was not up to a road trip so I went all by myself

The trip went fine except a raft blew out of the back of a pickup truck and hit my windshield,causing a really scary moment of blindness!
It was a great weekend.
I met some interesting people and enjoyed old friends I don't see enough of these days

and I was reminded so strongly of why I quit drinking tequila that I gave myself the opportunity to quit drinking it again!
I don't think anybody has ever died from a hangover but I may be the first!
Lemons and Love to all,

Friday, June 20, 2008

We Can't Wait

A year is too long to go without Mardi Gras
so we had a summer solstice parade!
I do so love my home town!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Father's Day

We found a secret way through the woods to the beach!
(no one I know locally reads this, so it will stay secret)



Still smilin

You should have seen us parking way down the street and darting through the underbrush!
Wishing you all a sweet secret place,

Marti, Tom , Caitlin and Jack

Saturday, June 7, 2008


Kathleen is from New Zealand.
She is a sheep rancher
A  crew person on a sail boat
and Cissie's life partner.
She can't stay in the United States
She cant get a visa.
So she and Cissie snatch what little time they can
traveling back and forth.
They hired a lawyer who told them
"If you could just get married there would be no problem"
But Kathleen was the one
at the ball game
who told us all
"Stand up!"
When the National Anthem came on.

Let me add a postscript here.....we ALWAYS stand for the National Anthem. We were tailgating outside the stadium and Kathleen was the first to hear it. (even though it's not the point of the story, I dont' want to be offensive)

And the circle shifts

Long time ago
It was me and Tom
in love
on the beach
Then there were parties till the dawn
Then there were little sandy children
Now its me and Tom
on the beach
in love.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

It was a fun night
my friend
 for 25 years
 had his 50th birthday
We cooked sausage dogs
drank beer
watched fireworks
lost the game.
It felt like summer.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

kar (ma) trouble

Luckily  I made it home
my car is weird
it won't go into gear
when it is in park
(and yes, I did have my foot on the brake, Tom)
I have to stick a screwdriver into the little hole by the gear shift to make it go
A woman my age doesn't need car trouble
If you are young and hot
 people help you
If you are old and frail
people help you
At my age you might stand there forever
It's time to get me a tool box
and help myself
(this could be a metaphor for much)

pork chop

Not the best ever weekend for me
I felt like the kid whose dog wouldn't play with him
even with a pork chop tied around his neck!
But Mariah and Terry came over
 and Caitlin and Thomas (her sweet little boyfriend) watched the MTV awards with me.
 I enjoyed that.
I went to visit my friend Dell
who was my ally against the world
when she lived next door to me.
 We haven't see each other much in awhile
so it was nice to find that common ground again.
Yesterday I spent about 10 years grocery shopping with my mom.
It's a privilege to help her.
 I love that I'm able to
 but she gets really confused
 putting up
and bringing back
the same jar of peanut butter
 5 times
becomes less humorous
as the time goes by!
Then it was Caitlin's family night
to put on their cheer dance at school.
If I am not good
 and I die
 and go to hell
I will have to keep up with my mom
who wanders
and Tom
 who has had a few beers
in a crowd
that demands a certain amount of decorum
throughout eternity!
So today I am going to Panama City
to see that same dance
at cheer camp
a 3 hour drive
to see a 3 minute dance
I love my child!

so then

Expressing anger is not my best quality
I am pretty easy going by nature
I grew up in an angry household
so it makes me very uncomfortable
sometimes we all get mad
justifiably mad
I wish I could let it all out
have a fit
and be done with it
without feeling guilty
without feeling sorry for the ass
that made me mad
in the first place
it's important to me
to keep my hard won inner serenity
but some things need to be said
or even screamed
I am still on the surface
like water
with sharks swimming underneath.