Thursday, June 26, 2008

Bad Idea

I was tootling around
putting off doing the dishes
when I got the idea to look back
to see what was in my journal this time last year.
I thought I might ask everyone to do it
Post an entry from a year ago.
Never look back
I saw pictures of my dear dog I lost
pictures of my little Victoria (the child I babysat)
who moved away
and I had to curl up in the big chair with Emily kitty and a blanket for awhile
It was a rough year, folks
Lots of bad vibes and negative thoughts at work
I used up so much of my energy trying to stay loving
Some nasty old misunderstandings between Tom and I keep rearing their ugly heads
I never know whether to beat them back down
into the psychic swamp they crawled out of
or to sic them on him and let them fight it out!
I am trying to walk this road peacefully
but there have been some potholes to circle around this year.
I want better times
I have to make them myself, I know.
Gathering courage,


lsfp1960 said...

I didn't look back in my journal yet (other than to make reference to my 4th of July entry in a post I did earlier today) but sometimes, it hurts to look back.  Then on the other hand it gives us a good idea of how far we've come in a years time.  Sorry your look back wasn't so pleasant. Linda in Washington state  

ktkamanski said...

I always look at my past as days gone by. I know somewhere somehow I have grown and only looking back shows me how much. I feel for you my friend knowing your strong enough to move forward with a positive outlook. Take care of you,

dklars said...

You'll always have the porch!  ~~Kath~~

deshelestraci said...

Blessings and prayers to you!  

bgilmore725 said...

That is one of the benefits (or disadvantages) of keeping a journal... the reminders of what you were doing, thinking, feeling from anytime in the past are there to clarify any misconceptions you have about who you were 'back then.' <grin> I've been journaling for nearly all my adult life. I don't generally have time to go back and reread what I wrote, say ten or even fifteen years ago, but the few times I did take a trip back in time, I was somewhat disappointed at my shallowness, my selfishness, and my ignorance ... but I was younger <sigh>. Just recognize that we are always changing and growing, and the truth is, we are going to continue to make mistakes in judging people, in relationships, in our perceptions of who we are and what motivates us to do what we do. Muster the courage, face forward, march ho! BTW, I was viewing some digital video footage I had taken during this past year, just tonight, and made a movie of our two sweet dogs... watching them made me smile. I was surprised how good they looked, how lively they were just five months ago... it still dismays me that they both died within two months of each other this year. As soon as I edit the movie, and add music, I will probably post it in my journal. I miss them. I know how you feel. May the year continue to bring you better times, and more peaceful vibes. bea

shrbrisc said...

2007 was a year of pain I am not ready to visit yet .. I hope you have a great day

karebear4x4 said...

ok, don't let anything, including misunderstandings, eat you alive   let the cats out of the bag   let them settle  then you can have peace   remember to express yourself evenly no matter how much it hurts   growing pains are important no matter how old we are   love ya my friend   take care~kbear

rdautumnsage said...

I agree with Kare growing pains are never easy and we suffer from them no matter what our ages. I've been trying to be more positive myself in my life as of late. There will always be those reminders that a perfect life doesn't nor will it ever exist. We make the most out of what we have , with those we love around us. (Hugs)Indigo

lurkynat said...

Sweet sweet Marti Dear friend,
I wish you oodles and oodles and tons and tons of great new memories!
love you tons, natalie
p.s. Many thanks for your comments in my blog sweetie peetie!
I love you!

jmorancoyle said...

Hi Marti,
    I've been thinking about you lately. It's been a while. Sorry to hear about you and Tom. I know with us we'll be so close for so long, and then suddenly it's like I can't stand to look at him anymore. Then he'll go and get sick or something. I don't think relationships are meant to be easy. I hope things work themselves out for you. Please don't get yourself down again. There are always good things around the corner to look forward to.