For years and years they told me
Be careful of your breasts
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests
So I heeded all their warnings,<
And protected them by law.<
Guarded them very carefully,<
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,<
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it
"Stand up here real close" she said
(She got my boob in line
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,<
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!<
A plastic plate came slamming down, <
My hooters in a vise
My skin was stretched and mangled
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed
To Swedish Pancake thin
Excruciating pain I felt,<
Within it's viselike grip
A prisoner in this vicious thing
My poor defenseless tit!<
"Take a deep breath, she said to me
Who does she think she's kidding?!?<
My chest is mashed in her machine
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say
(The room was slowly swaying
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."<
Have mercy, I was praying
It squeezed me from both up and down,<
It squeezed me from both sides
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,<
To HER tender little hide.<
Next time that they make me do this
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again
My knockers getting steam rolled>
If I had no problem when I came in,<
I surely have one now
If there had been a cyst in there,<
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,<
Of this, I have no doubt
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!