Wednesday, December 7, 2005

3The Mammogram

For years and years they told me

Be careful of your breasts

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.


And give them monthly tests


So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.<

Guarded them very carefully,


And I always wore my bra.


After 30 years of astute care
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it
"Stand up here real close" she said


(She got my boob in line

"And tell me when it hurts," she said,


"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine

She stepped upon a pedal,

I could not believe my eyes!

A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise

My skin was stretched and mangled

From underneath my chin.

My poor boob was being squashed

To Swedish Pancake thin


Excruciating pain I felt,

Within it's viselike grip

A prisoner in this vicious thing


My poor defenseless tit!


"Take a deep breath, she said to me


Who does she think she's kidding?!?

My chest is mashed in her machine

And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say


(The room was slowly swaying


"Now, let's have a go at the other one."

Have mercy, I was praying


It squeezed me from both up and down,


It squeezed me from both sides


I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,

To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this


I will request a blindfold.

I have no wish to see again


My knockers getting steam rolled


If I had no problem when I came in,


I surely have one now


If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,

Of this, I have no doubt


I'd like to stick his balls in there,

And, see how THEY come out!


jtuwliens said...

Love this entry, Marti.  I laughed all the way through it!  As painful as it is, we gotta do it...
But, what gets me is when the mammographer says, "Alright now, hold your breath."  ::as my face turns blue from the lack of oxygen::

b4i8clover said...

LOL Y'know, you would think, with our advanced technology, there would be a better way to conduct the exam.
Bon & Mal

ccancu said...

This is such a miserable test!!!  I get so many . . .  but this one is just embarassing and PAINFUL!

Hope you're okay and Tom is doing all right with the pain and able to get his rest.

lv2trnscrb said...

painful necessary test. I'm not endowed so its not as painful; I hear for full breasted people it is very painful. This past year I tried to have compassion for the technician doing the test; just doing her job and knowing it causes pain. I think she appreciated it.


sanforized6 said...

As a guy, with a wife and five sisters, and  sister-in-laws, etc., I've heard all the gruesome stories. I like your humerous spin the best! rich

p.s. Does kinda make my 'nades ache, just thinking about it LOL

lurkynat said...

dear Marti,
two words.."ow and ow!"

jmorancoyle said...