3The Mammogram

For years and years they told me

Be careful of your breasts

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
 <

And give them monthly tests
 
So I heeded all their warnings,<
And protected them by law.<

Guarded them very carefully,<

 

And I always wore my bra.
 
After 30 years of astute care 
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,<
Said I should get a Mammogram
 "OK," I said, "let's do it
"Stand up here real close" she said

 

(She got my boob in line

"And tell me when it hurts," she said,<

 

"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine

She stepped upon a pedal,

I could not believe my eyes!<

A plastic plate came slamming down, <
My hooters in a vise

My skin was stretched and mangled
 From underneath my chin.

My poor boob was being squashed

To Swedish Pancake thin

 

Excruciating pain I felt,<
>

Within it's viselike grip

A prisoner in this vicious thing

>

My poor defenseless tit!<

 >

"Take a deep breath, she said to me

 

Who does she think she's kidding?!?<

My chest is mashed in her machine

And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say

 

(The room was slowly swaying

 

"Now, let's have a go at the other one."<

Have mercy, I was praying

 

It squeezed me from both up and down,<

 

It squeezed me from both sides

 

I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,<

To HER tender little hide.<

Next time that they make me do this

 

I will request a blindfold.

I have no wish to see again

 
My knockers getting steam rolled>

 

If I had no problem when I came in,<

 

I surely have one now

 

If there had been a cyst in there,<
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
 <

This machine was created by a man,<

Of this, I have no doubt
 
I'd like to stick his balls in there,

And, see how THEY come out!

Thanksgiving

These are the things that have happened here on the sunnyside lately....

We went to the ortho dude to see about Tom's shoulder, traquilly anticipating  a brief recovery after a laproscopic procedure (mentally insert John Belushi here)BUT NOOOOO!

The doc calmly tells us he will have to admit him for 2 or 3 days, he will be disabled for 4-6 months and may never be able to go back to his old job!

We have decided to think it is a worse case scenario he is speaking of. This is the same guy who did the surgery on Caitlin's leg when she shattered it in gymnastics 2 years ago .He said she might have damaged the growth plate and would walk with a limp, but now she is running cross country. Tom is scheduled for surgery December 1. He is slightly comatose on pain pills until that time.He is courageous and patient in his quiet way. I know in my heart he will be fine. 

I went skipping out to get the mail and found two letters, one from the State Income Tax Department and one from Murphy High School. Always optimistic, I assume the former is to thank me for paying my taxes and the latter to tell me what a industrious student my lovely daughter is.

I was wrong on both counts.

One wants money (dont we all ) the other wants to inform me that Caitlin's enjoyment of school is interfering with her learning (and probably that of others as well)

LaFonda the Honda and I were tootling joyfully down the road when a pothole the size of Texas (caused by the water from the hurricane) opened up. We emerged from the underground chamber with a flat tire and a bent rim.We have one car and no money!

My mom keeps forgetting I am working 2 jobs and keeps calling wnating to know what I am doing roaming around after dark!

 

So, after this explanation, I present my Thanksgiving Poem...

Join in with me on the chorus...It is meant to be a loud moan...the more voices the better..... 

For too many cats and dogs with fleas

Good God we're thankful

and that the hurricane didn't get me

Good God , we're thankful

For Hershey's chocolate and Merlot wine

Good God , we're thankful

For our family that likes us most of the time

Good God , we're thankful

For the Lortabs that ease Tom's shoulder

Good God, we're thankful

For porch rockers and getting older

Good God, we're thankful

For getting the crossword puzzle right

Good God , we're thankful

For my mom who calls us every night

Good God we're thankful

For Caitlin's grades and the IRS,

Good God, we're thankful

For potholes that leave rims compressed,

Good God , we're thankful!

for narrow misses by falling trees

Good God, we're thankful

for our leaky roof and friends like these

Good God we're thankful!

And we really are....

The best parts about Thanksgiving this year were Victoria (the 7 year old I am babysitting while her mom is out of town on business) telling me about why we celebrate Thanksgiving, "the Pigrims had to come to America because the Pharoh wouldn't let them worship God",

Mariah and her boyfriend coming by after dinner with his parents , saying"it's nice to come here because we want to, not because we feel we have to.",

our sister in heart, Paula and her daughters coming from Atlanta.

No clouds here!

 

 

 

 

News from the sunnyside

Tom is having surgery tomorrow on his shoulder. Seems that wreck that destroyed our old car that was only valued for the Grateful Dead sticker on the back windshield did a number on my man.

 He has a few severed tendons to stitch up.

I am not nervous yet, we'll see if I can hold onto the family creedo of faith and denial in the morning when they wheel him down that long cold hall.

He is calm as ever, saying, "it was just a sign that I need to slow down and look around a bit."

I think, yeah , a sign from the gods is great, but it would've done just as well to let a bird crap on the windshield and be done with it.

I am used to worrying about Tom's health, since he follows that old Irish tradition of drinking like a camel and smoking like a barbecue pit.

He is a teller of tales and a singer of songs long into the night.

His chloesterol is lowere than mine and I exercise and am careful what I eat.He subsists on fast food and whiskey.

I think he may live forever because his arteries are never clogged with meanness or pettiness.

He was born with the kindness in his heart and joy in his eyes most of us spend our lives trying to catch a shadow of.

He is so aggravating!

Can you imagine trying to have a decent marital spat with Jesus?

I am starting a second job tutoring after school.

It will mean working 12 hour days, but my family has some substance problems.

We like to eat.

Having all the utilities on at once is an indulgence we would like to become accustomed to again , also.

It is fun. The kids are really motivated, largely because their parents have paid an exorbitant sum of money to send them there and sit out in the lobby glowering at them.

It also lets me out of the constant homework battles at the house.

They say you forget the pain of childbirth.

I didn't .

However, I did block out the pain of adolescence.

It is awful!

How did I go from being the cool mom to being the bane of Caitlin's existence?

I suppose because I irrationally want her to pass ninth grade!

Poor child, being the victim of such callousness!

Well, until the next adventure...

keep on the sunnyside,

Marti

 

Is it really that big a deal?

C'mon guys...I have the feeling we were having a great party and there was just one obnoxious drunk there and everyone got mad and went home.

Here  I am standing on the porch, "hey, don't go yet! I am still having fun!"

We all say how we are such good friends, how we will be there for each other...

All it took was a little ad banner for everyone to take their toys and go home?

saturday 6

1. You are invited to spend a night, alone, in a large house that is believed to be haunted.  A close friend of yours whom you trust tells you of his or her own experience, and you have sufficient reason to believe that there may be a genuine haunting going on there.  Without promise of any kind of reward for staying the night, would you agree to do so?

     I am allergic to being alone.

The haunted part wouldn't bother me. I have always wanted to have a paranormal experience and never have. My oldest daughter swears I could read her mtnd, but it was just experience. Teenagers dont' really change!

     2. What do you most enjoy about your job?

  It is different every day.

I relate emotionally on a deep level with children . We are both just trying to get through the day with our dignity intact.    

 3. Who was the last person you had a conversation with?  What was the main topic of the conversation?

telling my Tom about my weekend in the woods.

     5. What was the last food that you totally ruined -- to the point that itwas inedible -- when trying to cook?

I make some kind of rice dish with bean sprouts once that make Mariah gag!

     6. STRANGELY-OBSCURE QUESTION #1:  If you had to do over again, would you change anything?

Maybe I would've stayed in Colorado. That would've changed a lot of things though. I wouldn't have the friends I have now, but I would have others..Hmm, tough question. I 'm glad I dont have to make that choice.

birthdays and Camporee

My baby is fifteen.

She dances so lightly across this earth she barely leaves a footprint.

She is fearless.

She looks life in the face and grins.

The colors are brighter when she enters the room.

We packed up all our stuff and headed to the woods for a Girl Scout Camporee.We wore party hats and sang at Scoutshire Woods.

Later, she will look much more sophistocated at a party with her new high school friends, but this weekend is for the ones she has played with since kindergarten

 and her mom. 

Sometimes I get too caught up in the daily-ness of life...

laundry

grocery lists

driving to pick everyone up

sometimes I need to remember why I do it all.

I need to go to the woods.

I need to watch girls shed thier new adult personas and play again games I taught them when they were small enough to hug me waist high.

I need to run all day with the little Brownies and stay up talking al night with the Cadettes.

I need to come back to myself.

The girls at our tenth year Camporee came back to themselves too.

They put on makeup before the council fire

but they laughed at the stories we tell about them when they were small

and sing the same songs.

They are still here together , after all this time.

They came and got my sleeping bag out of the leader's tent

 so I could watch the stars through the tent flap with them.

It's the highest honor I've  ever had.

We were in charge of games and I was kinda nervous since we are the original (and proud) slacker troop, but it went great!

Another year of campfires

smelly feet

bugs

laughter...

can't wait to do it again!

 

Please check here soon for pictures.

Also, if you would like, check out my homecoming'05 entry. It has pics of Caitlin now.

Make new friends but keep the old , one is silver and the other gold...

(you Girl Scouts will understand)

Love, Marti

 

sharing little snippets of my life